Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hard time being creative right now

My Mother in law passed away on Sunday. I love Sandy, as she is author to all my happiness in a deeply significant way --- I married her son 16 years ago and had her granddaughter 14 years ago. She is out of pain now, and she will be missed.

Until today I've been dealing with it very well. Sunday was all about being at the nursing home and being the support person for my family, including my sister in law Karla. Monday was dealing with the funeral arrangements, and running errands all day. The memorial service is tomorrow ( Thurs 18Th) 4:30 -7pm at Radiant Church at 717 e 26Th st in Des Moines.

Yesterday I went to work, and that was a grand distraction, for all that I seem to spend most of the day just talking to people about it. I'm afraid my work quality suffered!

Today I'm home by myself, and it's maybe starting to sink in. I'm not crying or having fits; instead it's a quiet awareness that there is a hole in my life somewhere. Maybe it's not a big hole, but it's there. It's hard to be creative with the backdrop of constant thoughts and feelings about Sandy banging around in my head. I think I will just be depressed in a low level kind of way for awhile. My mood rather matches the dreariness of the weather today- no sun. No rain or snow (yet) but you can feel it's coming. And it's cold!

So I guess I haven't been dealing as well as I thought, I think maybe I just wasn't dealing.
I do know I will be OK, it's all part of the grief process. I worry most about my daughter. This is her first grandparent to pass and she's taking it pretty hard, when she allows herself to think about it.

I do know that tomorrow will be very hard, but we will be OK, because we will face it together as a family. I know that Sandy would have wanted that.

1 comment:

Tammy Jones said...

Many huggs to you guys. If you ever need to talk, I'm around.